Hello All!
It's been a while... I've done a lot of research and spent a ton of time in prayer over these past few weeks since finding out the cancer is still there. I'll just lay it out what I've decided and what is still left to decide. So sit back and get comfy cuz this is long.
Decision #1 Mastectomy is the choice I'm making. I'm pulling and Angelina Jolie, as Jehnie would say. There is a possibility that the cancer could show up in the other breast and I do not want to have to go through this twice so off with them both!
Decision #2 Reconstruction... seems simple enough. Make new ones to replace the bad ones. I get to decide whether I want implants or tissue transplant.
So I decided this ^^^ before I went to the Oncologist last Monday. I like him very much and appreciate his explanations and bedside manner. The tumor cells in my lymph nodes are so small that they are an unknown. The ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) by nature does not break off and travel so what ever is in the lymph nodes tells him that there may be something else in that breast which is another good reason to take it off. By removing everything I will NOT need radiation for which I'm very thankful. He did say I should take a hormone blocking pill for 5 years. I'm not thrilled about it and still haven't made my decision about that.
Yesterday I saw the Plastic Surgeon and was pretty overwhelmed when I left her office. She was very optimistic that I could get good results with reconstruction. Some hopes were dashed and some benefits were found out. Like I said before I have two options for reconstruction.
The option I was really interested in was the tissue transfer. It's where they take belly fat to make new breasts. Sounded like a double bonus until she explained that the procedure is really more like a transplant. It's a 10-12 hour microscopic surgery to attach blood vessels and it's a week long hospital stay in ICU to watch for signs of rejection. Once the surgery is done I'll probably not need another one. The results feel more life like but there is a possibility one or both sides could reject and then I'm back to square one. Also, if I gain or lose weight (I'm working on the latter) you guessed it... I'd gain/lose there as well. I went in thinking this was ideal and came out thinking not so much.
Implants are just that silicone or saline put in to replace what is taken out. That requires two surgeries. One to do the mastectomy and put in tissue expanders to make room for the implant. Every week the expanders get increased until it's the size I want then I wait for 6 months to let the skin adjust to the new shape. The other to put the implants in. It a long process starting with an overnight stay in the hospital and I'll be limited in movement and lifting weight. There is follow up surgeries to adjust and shape and it's possible I'd need them replaced at some point down the road but that's 10+ years and it's not common. (Side note: I may be pulling an Angelina but I'm not pulling a Dolly, ha!)
Decision #3 Implants. For me it's the best choice.
One of the things she said that I appreciated, but was a 'dashed hope', was her goal is two years. Her goal is that by the two year mark I wouldn't be thinking about my reconstruction, my cancer, surgery. I hoped that I'd have one surgery to take out the bad and put in the new and be done. But she said if I do it that way results aren't as good than if I would take the 6 months to expand and rest before implants. So the journey continues and hopefully by next Christmas I'll be completely done. ;)
I have two more appointments next week. One with my surgeon and one with the natural medicine doctor to start boosting my immune system. I'll try to update again after that.
Now there are some very valid reasons to be depressed or upset or sad with this news. Like the fact that I cannot keep what fed and nurtured my babies. Or I will lose most of the feeling in my breasts. Does that define me as a mother or a woman? Should it matter? Well, whether it should or not, it does. I know who I am in Christ and I'm confident in my femininity but there is a part of me that will be grieving the loss of this part of me. I've already grieved the loss of part of my heart when God called Jim home and now I will need to grieve losing what can define a woman/wife/mother. I feel silly saying it but I know that when I looked in the mirror after the lumpectomy I was shocked and a little sad I wouldn't look the same ever again. It's going to be significantly greater this time.
That's all for now. Thank you for continuing to pray for me and the kids. I truly feel your prayers and I'm so grateful for your love and support. God is still good and He loves me and I'll never stop loving Him.
Fully Trusting Him,
Karla
