stuff

4/8 Thursday was a bittersweet day and a several realizations were made known.

First, I got to go to the Casting Crowns worship service. I say worship service because it was more than a show/concert. I was taken to the presence of the Lord in worship with some really good singers. I didn't realize how much I needed to get away for a few hours. I was totally exhausted the next day but the time away was what I needed.

Second, Abby and Jimmy weren't ready for me to be gone that long. I know I need to take care of myself too but to see their reactions to my leaving and then the next morning, made me realize I also need to think about them too. Yes I need my time but not that long of a time away just yet.

++++++++++

4/9 Some days just seem normal until it hits 5:15 and the phone doesn't ring. Jim would call and say "I'm crossing E street" or "I'm walking up the alley now". I didn't realize just how much I truly loved and wanted him until he was gone. Cherish the gift God has given you if you're married. Love the little things that happen everyday and don't stop telling your love just how much he/she means to you.

+++++++++++

4/10 had a great day working outside!! Re-did a flower bed. Cleaned out the garage and had friends over for junky bad for you but O-So-Yummy finger foods for supper.

+++++++++++

4/12 Today was a crappy day!!!! Started physically a bummer if you know what I mean. That lead to the thought of not having Jim anymore. So I felt bad all day physically and emotionally. Then Abby didn't do something and got in trouble and I didn't handle part of it well. It all ended well but this single parenting thing is really hard. Then she got all weepy and sad about Jim and then I had to put on my happy face for her to comfort her. Bummer day! On the bright side it was 80 and breezy and sunny today!

Father, today is one of those days I just don't understand why. Why did you ask me to be the one left here? Jim would have handled things so much better than I am! Why does it have to hurt so deeply? You put us together and we loved each other so deeply. It stinks now that there's a big whole in my heart. I don't want the answers because they really don't matter. I know I won't know them anyway, this side of heaven, but this life right now is hard. I feel like I can't take much more today but I know that because of Your Great Love for me I WILL NOT be consumed! (Lam 3:22) Thank You for Mom, whom You prompted to call me at just the right time, and for friends who mowed my lawn!!! You are the great provider and I love You! This life would be so unbearable without You.

Jesus, thank you for providing a way for me to see Jim again. I know that's not the reason you died but today it gives me hope. Knowing that when you return, Jim will come too. Come quickly Jesus!

Spirit, how true your character is to me today! Comforter and Intercessor. When I don't know how to pray You speak for me.

In Jesus Name!
Amen